Tricks of the Trade-How to Avoid Being Sharkbait in a Clownfish Tank

Tricks of the Trade-How to Avoid Being Sharkbait in a Clownfish Tank

I have been asked now, about five or six times, to help men improve their profile.  I'm sure many of you are repeat visitors to my profile and wonder how I manage to keep it ever-changing and uniquely different.  

I am going to share with you my insights and you can take it from there.  I could be, and maybe should be, a professional online dating consultant.  (Blog in the works as we speak...)

Soup to nuts...  Guys...photos...

Your photo has to be good.  You should be smiling and you should look happy.  Even if you aren't professional, you should look professional.  After all, you are trying to impress a woman.  Showing your bare chest, no matter how clean your Mangroomer got you, is not impressive.  Do you hear me?  NOT IMPRESSIVE!  

You should be looking AT the camera.  AT is not to be confused with down at or up at.  If you are looking down at the camera, the image makes someone looking at it feel submissive.  If you are looking up at it, you are trying to look sexy.  Chicks do that...guys don't.  Looking up makes you look feminine.  

Bathroom shots...goes without saying.  There should be no tiled walls behind you in any pictures whatsoever.  There should be no visible toilets or showers or hand dryers.  I see a picture like that and think "homie doesn't know how stupid he looks!"

Change your main profile picture regularly...about once a week on Sunday.  It works like this...  You have 200 women in your local pond.  On your first go, 150 don't look at you but 50 do.  Change the picture.  It appeals to 50 more.  Change it again, 50 more.  You get the idea.  Women are shopping...  

Guys...change the packaging.  If it works for Coke and Pepsi, it'll work for you.  Sell your product...don't stagnate in the market.  Use aggressive personal marketing strategies.  You are a product, not just a person.  I know the truth hurts and might offend some people, but if you want mass appeal, you have to treat yourself this way.  Every image will not appeal to every woman.  By changing the main profile picture, you increase your odds of appealing to someone new.  You may also get repeat visitors who take notice when they have gone for you twice or three times.  It's the "Wow" factor.  

If your picture is sideways or upside down...WTF?  Change that.  You are acting like you need attention.  It's not funny.  It's annoying.  Same goes for extreme close-ups and any other unusual things you might doing, wearing (or not wearing) or posting.  

Clothing...patterned shirts and bright blues will get you noticed.  They pop out in a profile picture.  A big smile on your face, showing teeth, also gets you noticed.  Being able to SEE your face gets you noticed.  Using a picture of yourself, standing in front of a national park sign in sun glasses taken from 30 feet away is no good.  

Motorcycles, tattoos, Nascar and bowling...  Okay...it's what you like.  That's guy stuff.  Chicks don't like that.  I know men think that motorcycles, etc. show some sort of manly bravado...but it falls flat unless a woman thinks that way too.  My suggestion is to leave ALL that crap out.  Even if it is something you enjoy, leave it for conversation and don't incorporate it into your profile.  It's not important.  

Written profile...not as important as you think, although a well-written profile is fun to read.  The best profiles are sincere and somewhat personal.  They touch on life, career, family and have a brief focus on what kind of relationship a man hopes to find.  If you can quip a little about any of these things, and bring a smile to a reader's face, you score a point.  

Finding your audience...  WHO do you want to meet?  WHAT is important to you?  If you want to meet a woman with children, because you have them yourself, focus on your affinity for your own children (without saying they are all- important).  If you want to meet an adventurous woman, focus on adventure by talking about a couple of fabulous things you have done.  If you want to meet a quiet, passive, gentle woman, talk about romantic dinners out and your favorite books and movies.  There is a technique for attracting what you want to find...it's being what you want to find.  Key fellas...honestly.  

Dating idea... Coffee...no.  Coffee is too well lit, too cheap and too noisy. Best idea...cheap food and no booze.  Nobody needs to go 5 star dining on a first date and nobody needs to give a woman a forum to get plastered.  Food is a nice gesture but it should be simple...AGAIN...I will reiterate...no alcohol.  I'm not saying this because I am a Prohibitionist...I am saying this because no good date focuses on alcohol.  It focuses on conversation. 

First contact.  Never, never, never, never...just say "Hey" or "Hello".  Spell correctly.  Use proper punctuation and write something that makes sense.  If you don't get a response, so what.  NEXT.  Don't write women nasty notes insulting them either.  I know some of you use that tactic to get women to answer you.  Cut it out.  Don't be a complete fu**tard!  Most of us have X husbands for that.  

This will be a work in progress as I think of more pertinent tips and tricks.   Good luck fellas!

PS...  POF is not the best free dating site for normal people, OKC is.  However...all you freaky people should stay here and freak out together.  I'm not encouraging the nut jobs to come over and pollute OKC.